How to Recover After Being Fired

 You’ve been fired. How do you recover and get your confidence back?

 

Julia was about to get a big promotion from individual contributor to manager at a big tech firm. Then she was fired. She can pinpoint the exact moment she lost her professional confidence.

 

“We are letting you go.”

 

Julia felt like the bottom dropped out of her career and it took two years to get her confidence back. They fired me?!?!

 

She quickly found another position but couldn’t shake the experience of being blindsided in her previous job. She had been bold and outspoken. Now she shrunk in meetings and rarely offered her opinion. She felt apathetic toward her work and career plans. 

 

When you lose your job, it’s normal and often financially necessary to find a position right away. 

 

BUT.

 

If you don’t take the time to heal what happened to you, your mental health and your career will take a hit. 

 

The Healing Process

 

Here is a process that I use with my clients that helps them heal after being fired or another traumatic experience in the workplace.

 

Download the Recover From Being Fired Worksheet

 

Step 1: Describe the Scene

 

Describe what happened to you in your own words using facts. Give yourself permission to see it from your perspective only. You don’t have to be polite, diplomatic or responsible here. 

 

I worked hard, excelled on all of my KPIs and mentored peers in my free time in order to gain management experience. My boss said he was considering me for a promotion. I publicly confronted my boss in a meeting when he used a transphobic phrase. One week later, I was let go as part of a department reshuffling, which included only two people. 

 

Step 2: Take an Emotional Inventory

 

Describe how what you experienced makes you feel. Refer to Brene Brown’s List of Emotions to identify the emotions that are present. 

 

I felt completely blindsided and betrayed. I have lost hope in humanity. 

 

Emotions: grief, betrayal, humiliation, dehumanization, discouragement, hurt

 

Step 3: Identify the Hardest Part

 

What is the hardest part for you?

 

The hardest part for me is that I really loved working for the company and I believed that they wanted to create a more inclusive culture. It’s hard not to be part of the team anymore and I also question whether I should even care about doing what I think is right. I feel untethered and don’t know how to make decisions anymore. 

 

Download the Recover From Being Fired Worksheet

 

Step 4: Fill Your Buckets

 

You have two buckets – a 20% bucket and an 80% bucket. In the 20% bucket, put all the parts of what happened that you CHOOSE to take ownership. In the 80% bucket, put all the parts that belong to someone else. 

 

20%: Calling out my boss in public instead of privately. Not checking in with him after that happened to de-escalate. Not reporting what happened immediately to HR. 

 

80%: The company not backing up their core values. My boss not having adequate EQ. The other people in the meeting who didn’t speak up. The choice to let me go despite my Rockstar performance. 

 

Step 5: Find the Gift and Opportunity

You don’t have to like what happened. You get to feel all the emotions you listed under #2 above. And, what gift or opportunity can you find that wouldn’t have been there if this hadn’t happened to you?

 

If I hadn’t been fired, I wouldn’t have known that I could pick myself back up and go after a job that has more responsibilities in a company with clearer commitment to diversity and equity. 

 

When difficult things happen to us at work, it’s tempting to put on a happy face and pretend it was no big deal. Unfortunately, that can lead to lingering negative feelings that impact your ability to show up confidently and enthusiastically in your career. Working through what happened, either alone or with a coach or therapist, will help you release pent up energy so you can move forward powerfully.